Dinky-Di DINKS and Loving it!

Pic found at bigapple.com
Pic found at bigapple.com

I’m in a DINKS (Double income no kids) relationship and loving it!

However, I’m often left wondering why people make assumptions about ones sexuality and reproductive capabilities as soon as they find out you’re childless?

If you MUST know there is nothing wrong with my organs and I’m heterosexual – not that either of those two facts really have anything to do with ones ability to have children these days what with IVF, surrogacy and the like available to singles, couples etc of all persuasions…and I’m pleased about that as I believe everyone should have the right to have kids IF they want them just as they should have the right NOT to have them…

Nope, I just have never wanted children, nor has the moon and stars aligned that I’ve ever had the right partner at the right time when I MIGHT have even contemplated having a child. And now, well I’m with the best partner in life but with menopause (menopause started for me in my late 30s, perhaps my body’s way of saying I support you gal so let’s move on) and the both of us having no desire to have children, we don’t – and we are Dinky-Di DINKS and loving life!

What I don’t get is why oh why do people feel sorry for me?

Here are just some of the comments that have been made over the years:
From the straight out:
“Oh, poor you.” (Gee, thanks for the support!)
to:
“Have you got women’s iss-ues?” (Well, I’m a woman and I have iss-ues but none are to do with my plumbing!)
to:
“You’ve got plenty of time.” (Well, thanks I do look young for my age! ;p but…Oh, yes, why not remind one of that biological clock tick-tick-ticking away…that’s sure to change my mind – NOT! What, should I have just rushed out and procreated because I have to tick having a child off my bucket list?)
to:
“If you can why don’t you?” (Well, I can do a lot of things like skydiving, bungy-jumping and abseiling but I choose not to)
to:
“What are you going to do when you get older?” (Huh? Grow old gracefully I hope! Look I don’t come from an extended family where everyone might live together. My parents weren’t in their parents back pockets when they were old – they were off exploring the world like I hope to be…)
or:
“Won’t you regret it?” (No! I haven’t so far… I regret a whole lot of other things like having crazy haircuts (well it was the 80s and wearing some bizarre clothing (gee that could’ve been the 80s or the 90s, {and well yes a whole lot of other more meaningful things that I’m not particularly willing to share at this point…}) but most of them were more easily fixed than if I’d had a child that I regretted having…)
or:
“But, you don’t know what you’re missing out on…” (Umm, I think I do…a decade or more of sleeplessness, followed by another decade or more of teenage tantrums followed by adult resentments and blaming that could last until death do us part…just to name a few…)
or:
“The love from a child and for your child is so amazing – it really changed me.” (Yep, that’s great for you but there are lots of others who have nothing to do with their child or visa versa – it’s a lottery people.)
and so it goes on…

Having worked with children for many years now I could very easily say to all child-bearing people, “Oh poor you, you have children!” Especially when I have seen people abusing children, neglecting children, wanting to off-load children, complain about children, etc.

Look I’m happy for you to have children. Jeepers I’ve even baby-sat children, been to enough christenings, baby-showers and the like to last me several lifetimes but don’t assume that I needed to have one of my own, that I wanted one or that my life is somehow inferior because I don’t have children. Yes, it is different but it is no better or worse than the choices that you have made for yourself.

I’m also happy for you with children to get payments like maternity/paternity leave, the baby bonus, paid parental leave, child rebates, and so on but I’ve paid my taxes all my life too – I’d like to see the government introduce a bonus/rebate call it what you like, for childless people for not having children! Sure there have been some controversial attempts at this in China and India but I’m not talking about actually imposing a one child rule or to introduce sterilisation I’m just saying that when you get to a certain age, if you haven’t had any children then you could get a payment for not adding to the various governmental ‘drains’.

I don’t know, I think we are probably all socialised beyond our control to look at women and assume that they all have or want to have children and I know we do similar things about men too and what ‘roles’ they should play but all I’m trying to say is let’s try to put a stop to this.

Let’s stop judging a book by its proverbial…

One thought on “Dinky-Di DINKS and Loving it!

  1. Similar situation when a person is single and not in a relationship. Clearly a person is a freak if they do not fit with what is perceived to be the ‘norm’! It would be so nice if we could all live peacefully together, left to make choices without being judged.

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